“How ya doin… really?”
How Ya Doin?
Most of us answer that question pretty quickly:
"I'm fine."
"Good."
"Better than I deserve."
I want to believe those answers are sincere but I've also learned to ask twice.
Me: "How ya doin'?"
Them: "Fine."
Me again: "Would you tell me if you weren't? How are you really doing, friend?"
That's when the conversation often changes.
Years ago, I asked a man that second question. He paused and said, "Interesting that you should ask... I just got diagnosed with cancer, and I'm scared."
I'm so grateful I asked again.
We talked. We prayed. Every time I saw him, he'd give me an update. We weren't close friends before that conversation, but we became friends through honesty, faith, and walking through a difficult season together.
Today, he's cancer-free.
I'm hoping we can have that kind of conversation, whether it's about faith, recovery, or any part of real life. I ask twice because I really care. I really want to know how YOU are doing. And I have come to learn that the second question can open the door to healing.
So... let me ask you again: How are you doing?
Last month we invited you to consider a Sober Summer.
Maybe you were "sober curious." Maybe you decided to give it a try.
How's that going?
As we've said before, Harbor Rock Recovery is not prohibitionist. If you can enjoy alcohol responsibly without it creating problems, we're not here to argue with you. But we also know this:
Sometimes people don't realize they have a problem until they honestly try to stop.
So let me ask one more time:
How are you doing... and if you aren't doing well, would you tell someone?
There is no shame in struggling.
We say this all the time yet many of us try to hide the very things that need healing.
Real faith is meant for real life. And that includes real recovery through real challenges.
Honest acceptance
Maybe your struggle sounds something like this:
"I can't stop, even though I want to."
"I keep making promises to myself that I break."
"I'm not one of those people..."
"What would others think if they knew?"
If that's you, be honest with yourself, with God, and with someone you trust.
Addiction is not simply a lack of willpower. It affects the body, mind, and soul.
Asking for help isn't weakness. It's wisdom.
Honest relationships
I'm not saying to bare your soul to just anyone. Friends, family, or coworkers can either help or hinder your journey. Ask yourself:
Would the people I surround myself with support me if I told them?
Would they join me in taking a break from alcohol?
Do I need to spend more time with people who are living the life I want?
You don't have to do this alone. Pretending you're not struggling is far more costly.
Addiction is often subtle before it becomes obvious. It patiently steals peace, purpose, relationships, joy and hope.
Jesus described the enemy's work as one who comes "to steal, kill, and destroy." Addiction follows that same destructive path.
Sobriety doesn't mean you hang up having fun. Sobriety is freedom.
Freedom to experience peace with God.
Freedom to discover purpose.
Freedom to become fully present with the people you love.
If someone you love is struggling...
Maybe this newsletter isn't really about you. Maybe it's about someone you care about. If so, approach them gently.
We've been there. We understand denial. We know what shame feels like.
And we also know this:
There is hope. There is healing. There is a solution.
We'd love to hear from you wherever you are in your journey.
Because together, we're better.
Jesus loves you... and so do we.
PD
and the Harbor Rock Recovery Team
